RCBC Towers

Ayala, Makati

Ive been working in this building since 08 08 08 :)


:p

looking back to the year 2 days ago.

My 2008.

hmm..im suppose to write a lot of things now since it's the 2nd day of 2009.. but sh*t. nuthin's comin out of my mind. im kinda lost yet, stucked by the song im listening to. "Tell me Where it Hurts" (lmfao) hahaha!

hmm.. well anyways.. i'll just write random things then.. happy and happiest - sad and scariest things about 2008.

Febuary, 1st time i got out of the country.. i went to Malaysia. Stayed at Petaling Jaya, went to Kuala Lumpur and Taiping.

Ive got to meet new friends like Cheemeng, Jun Hao, Baby, Jeepeng, Ram, Iris and Suezhen. There was never a dull moment with these people. ^^ love em.

June, 2nd time to visit Malaysia. This time, i've been craving for nasi lemak. And atlast, ive been to the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur and been to Genting Highlands. And this time, Ive got to see him for the very last time.. I wasnt really expecting it would be the last time.=p (we'll get into that in a while.)

I've travelled back home alone. For the very first time..
I actually really love to travel but to ride ALONE in an airplane for 3hours is one of the most saddest and scariest thing on earth for me..haha.

September was a crap. boom. i died this month. Literally, i broke down.

I was fragile.

October, I had my new hair cut. I got the shortest haircut in my 20 years. haha

November, went out of town with my super girlfriends.

December, my hair is already shoulder length..

1st day of December, I got promoted at work. "Job well done", they say.

I won some cash in our company christmas party. haha. fun moments i say..

25th of December. Yes its christmas.

Dec. 26 - no more teens.. no more TWEN-teen. haha. now im twenty one. Yea!

first love by utada hikaru

nuthin big actually. just rmmberd somethin bout this song.

it was one silent afternoon, that time he's holding me tight in his arms, im feeling his chest at my back. we were listening to his phone's music, that time the song collide was playing then utada hikaru's first love. while the song was playing, suddenly tears fell down my eyes. was carried away by the song's melody. thinkin about the fact that he's living in 2 months.. he wiped the tears on my face while saying those sweet words. "I'll come back for you honey, I promise that."

damn. here i go again. hurting.

strange feeling.

i woke up.
i dreamt about something.
i cried.
i prayed.
then he called me today.
and it's all coming back to me now.
i have to stop this feeling.
damn.
"cmon jana, get back to yesterday.
he did not call, you did not hear his voice. he did not say take care of yourself.
you don't miss him. cmon, convince these to yourself. you don't. dont be stupid of falling again."

damn. here comes again my heart beating so fast.
my mind is trembling around.
no, no and no.

get back jana.

NEW LIFE!

im single again.
back to the crowd.

new hair new life.

where's the sense in that?

i dont care! some sort of a motivation, i guess. haha

most painful thing i've ever felt...

damn im losing sleep because of this..

if i could just do something to stop my mind from racing..
thousands of things in the past just keep on entering..
my mind is so damn tired as well as my heart..
if i could just inject an anesthesia to become numb, i'd do.
im losing my system, he is.


i remember he told me how he felt for me..
the way he loved me..
things he planned for us..
then now he wants me to forget all those things..
that his words were useless..

that i should look forward and never look back..

damn! that ain't easy!

u came into my life when i was so down, that time i thought i couldnt climb up anymore... that time that my problem was my father..

u showed me the love that i was actually needed.. i've felt it.
and now, u left me in fcuking all of a sudden...
dont fcuking ask me to forget you..


"Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet " - i thought of this


I can't be this unsturdy This cannot be happening

Everything felt so different, It was so strong. We had talked about our future. Where we were going to live, whether or not we'd have kids, etc. It seemed so perfect. He was more than just my best friend, he was everything I ever needed/wanted. He got the face of what i only want to see smiling at me when i woke up in the morning..
How can something so great be torn to pieces so quickly?

i have to convince my self that i have to move on..
the fact that he doesnt care a single thing at all..
any single thing..

well. im going to be better.. stronger..

i know i shouldnt still love him and tell him that
but if i didnt say it, well, i'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
but he live by the rules of it's over
then I'm sure that that makes sense..

i dont have to regret something that once made my life complete..
i cant regret anything about him.. any single memory we had..
he let me feel what real happiness is..
he gave me the real love, true love.
he showed me care and protection..
he made his self my strength and power..

atleast when i look at the past, our past,
i cant tell him that he's a shitte..
no, he was my greatest angeL.


and when we meet, which I'm sure we will.
all that was there, will be there still.
I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
and you will think, that I've moved on

i will......

my bestest bestfriend...
ii love 'em so much.
ii laugh about them.
laugh with them.
cry with them.
ii love them like my own family.
wee!