We are back on the track. He's my answered prayer.

I love Beh Lian Chyou.

Tell her.

He called her "honey" again..
He wants to be with her out-of-town.
Damn.
What is this all about?
What is really on his mind now?
What does he really want?
What? Is this a beginning of a new heartbeaking story?
Are u gonna kill her again?
Or,
Are u gonna make the love sweeter the 2nd time around?
Is the reason of her tears will be just because of laughters?
Are u gonna open your eyes and see her hurt when she feel so down?
Are u gonna hug her when she needs you to?

she is clueless. definitely.

In her part?
Nothing has changed.
She
still
do
love you..

And still, no one and nothing could make her over you.

august 29.

happy 1st year anniversary heartache.
today is the day when i died last year.
when my world broke down. when my heart crashed into pieces.

1 year is not enough to live again.:'(

dark room

I WANT TO SEE THINGS.. PLEASE TURN ON THE LIGHT..

i quit.

i am totally quitting this now.

wish me luck.

=)

im inlove again.

I watched G.I. Joe with my closest colleagues. my considered amores at work.
dyen, meng, nancy, jimm and kelvin. Glorietta 4. After the movie, we went to ICE bar at greenbelt and drink. When Kelvin got tipsy, he went talking to me.. Asking me, a little bit of scolding. I never really talk to this guy at work.. a little shock when he approached me and kept mumbling about my life. Questions like why i kept on dating guys! WHAT DA HELL??! I dont even go for a date?! He is really funny. He even told me that he kept on checking my facebook pictures and see me with a lot of guys.. then i told him i have lots of friends which are guys but it doesnt mean im dating all of them! waa.. i kept on defensing myself. lol. Thank God that Jimm was there to back me up. haha. Jimm is an indonesian and Kelvin is a Taiwanese and I am a Filipina. See the difference? haha! How am I gonna win? How will Jimm help me? And how will Kelvin understand? But at the end of the conversation, Thanks to them talking Mandarin infront of me. The conversation ended and Kelvin understood everything. He even told me i rmmber, "Jana, ur not like this before! After u break up with the trader, this happened to u!" And that time i felt like he was my older brother scolding her "becoming-a-bitch-younger-sister".
lol
At the end of that day, im inlove.
Im inlove with Channing Tatum, again. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

today

I messed up yesterday.
Said the wrong words.
Took the wrong turn, loved the wrong person,
reacted the wrong way.
I spoke when i should've listened,
walked away when i should have waited,
judged when i should have trusted,
indulged wheni should have resisted.

I messed up yesterday
but i'll mess up more if i let yesterday's mistakes sabotage today's attitude.

Today's a new day, i'll live it well.


[banana]

like every waiting one unseen and silent.

yea. we dont need to rush things, if something's bound to happen, it will happen..

in the right time,

with the right person

and for the best reason...

~Im here, i'll hold your hand when u are ready to hold mine~

Sand, Sea and the Sun. Boracay here I come.

Been stressed lately for no reason. Been a sad clown for some days.

Hrmn. I need some fresh air. And im going to my most comfy place on earth. I need to be with the three "S", the Sea, the Sand and the Sun.

Been feeling so cold.

Imma get myself burned! :)

Regency hotel is where we're gonna stay.

Get some Tan Lines and a Henna Tattoo

Gonna party at beach side bars :)

The Famous Boracay Sand

Must do parasailing.

The Beach

Im gonna get myself fresh Fruit Shakes :)

Imma try Avocado Shake with milk. whip! yumyum!

I wanna have my 1st honeymoon here when i get married. haha.

Since I was a kid, Ive always wanted wedding. And ive been dreaming for a beach wedding under the sun. (sunset would be the best) =)

Imma Chillax and have a great great time.

~ wish i could be with you ~

~ ilabu~

banana

RCBC Towers

Ayala, Makati

Ive been working in this building since 08 08 08 :)


:p

looking back to the year 2 days ago.

My 2008.

hmm..im suppose to write a lot of things now since it's the 2nd day of 2009.. but sh*t. nuthin's comin out of my mind. im kinda lost yet, stucked by the song im listening to. "Tell me Where it Hurts" (lmfao) hahaha!

hmm.. well anyways.. i'll just write random things then.. happy and happiest - sad and scariest things about 2008.

Febuary, 1st time i got out of the country.. i went to Malaysia. Stayed at Petaling Jaya, went to Kuala Lumpur and Taiping.

Ive got to meet new friends like Cheemeng, Jun Hao, Baby, Jeepeng, Ram, Iris and Suezhen. There was never a dull moment with these people. ^^ love em.

June, 2nd time to visit Malaysia. This time, i've been craving for nasi lemak. And atlast, ive been to the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur and been to Genting Highlands. And this time, Ive got to see him for the very last time.. I wasnt really expecting it would be the last time.=p (we'll get into that in a while.)

I've travelled back home alone. For the very first time..
I actually really love to travel but to ride ALONE in an airplane for 3hours is one of the most saddest and scariest thing on earth for me..haha.

September was a crap. boom. i died this month. Literally, i broke down.

I was fragile.

October, I had my new hair cut. I got the shortest haircut in my 20 years. haha

November, went out of town with my super girlfriends.

December, my hair is already shoulder length..

1st day of December, I got promoted at work. "Job well done", they say.

I won some cash in our company christmas party. haha. fun moments i say..

25th of December. Yes its christmas.

Dec. 26 - no more teens.. no more TWEN-teen. haha. now im twenty one. Yea!

first love by utada hikaru

nuthin big actually. just rmmberd somethin bout this song.

it was one silent afternoon, that time he's holding me tight in his arms, im feeling his chest at my back. we were listening to his phone's music, that time the song collide was playing then utada hikaru's first love. while the song was playing, suddenly tears fell down my eyes. was carried away by the song's melody. thinkin about the fact that he's living in 2 months.. he wiped the tears on my face while saying those sweet words. "I'll come back for you honey, I promise that."

damn. here i go again. hurting.

strange feeling.

i woke up.
i dreamt about something.
i cried.
i prayed.
then he called me today.
and it's all coming back to me now.
i have to stop this feeling.
damn.
"cmon jana, get back to yesterday.
he did not call, you did not hear his voice. he did not say take care of yourself.
you don't miss him. cmon, convince these to yourself. you don't. dont be stupid of falling again."

damn. here comes again my heart beating so fast.
my mind is trembling around.
no, no and no.

get back jana.

NEW LIFE!

im single again.
back to the crowd.

new hair new life.

where's the sense in that?

i dont care! some sort of a motivation, i guess. haha

most painful thing i've ever felt...

damn im losing sleep because of this..

if i could just do something to stop my mind from racing..
thousands of things in the past just keep on entering..
my mind is so damn tired as well as my heart..
if i could just inject an anesthesia to become numb, i'd do.
im losing my system, he is.


i remember he told me how he felt for me..
the way he loved me..
things he planned for us..
then now he wants me to forget all those things..
that his words were useless..

that i should look forward and never look back..

damn! that ain't easy!

u came into my life when i was so down, that time i thought i couldnt climb up anymore... that time that my problem was my father..

u showed me the love that i was actually needed.. i've felt it.
and now, u left me in fcuking all of a sudden...
dont fcuking ask me to forget you..


"Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet " - i thought of this


I can't be this unsturdy This cannot be happening

Everything felt so different, It was so strong. We had talked about our future. Where we were going to live, whether or not we'd have kids, etc. It seemed so perfect. He was more than just my best friend, he was everything I ever needed/wanted. He got the face of what i only want to see smiling at me when i woke up in the morning..
How can something so great be torn to pieces so quickly?

i have to convince my self that i have to move on..
the fact that he doesnt care a single thing at all..
any single thing..

well. im going to be better.. stronger..

i know i shouldnt still love him and tell him that
but if i didnt say it, well, i'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
but he live by the rules of it's over
then I'm sure that that makes sense..

i dont have to regret something that once made my life complete..
i cant regret anything about him.. any single memory we had..
he let me feel what real happiness is..
he gave me the real love, true love.
he showed me care and protection..
he made his self my strength and power..

atleast when i look at the past, our past,
i cant tell him that he's a shitte..
no, he was my greatest angeL.


and when we meet, which I'm sure we will.
all that was there, will be there still.
I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
and you will think, that I've moved on

i will......

my bestest bestfriend...
ii love 'em so much.
ii laugh about them.
laugh with them.
cry with them.
ii love them like my own family.
wee!

fashion 2008

1. metallic shoes (high-hells/flats)
2. all star chucks
3. still, skinny jeans and straight cut jeans
4. black stckings

visit.. www.fashioning.com :)

i so love to be a girl:)

[vanity mode]

haha.

live ur life like ur not gonna live tomorrow.

reminiscing..

reminiscing...

music, fashion, dance to the beat, lights
i live my life to the fullest. haha. waa. im now thinking bout my old everyday life. haha.

a click: one click, everything changed. ye, im still the old me. but i feel like i stepped one up to maturity level. hahaha;p im now not the happy-go-lucky-type-girl-next-door. now, i wear black slacks 23 times a month. wtf. which before i think is "so-not-cool" and i'm-not-gonna-wear-such" thinggie haha. but i have no choice. i can still dress to impress sometimes. i mean literally, "sometimes". when i go out with my friends for a night party and go out with my old co-model friends. (imiss'em)

now, my life is work, work, work for my family(except my dad). but i feel good about it, supporting my family. haha. my mom's proud about me. daayyuummnn. im only 19 years old! hhaha. i should still be wearing school uniform. shoocckkss.. anyways... last thing..

now, ye my life, family has been crumpled in just a click. (but we're trying to iron it. haha)

now, even if im experiencing such dayummnnn things, im still the happiest girl alive because of one thing, HIM.

i'm so blessed i have Beh Lian Chyou. best love.

here are some photos of me doing the real old thing. doing what i love and doing what makes me happy.

i sing like i composed the song i'm singing with my heart in it.

blue ginger bar @ retiro / kakai bar @ malvar st. malate

i smile for the world. haha. =)

photo shoot for magazine cover, buy and sell agency

i dance like no one's watching.

@ lingayen pangasinan (our mini concert josphuan prod.) with jenilyn mercado and sherwin ordonez

party people!!! haha. stay out late at night. and then wake up with such head rush. because of vodka and some tequilla shots. i party like there's no tomorrow.

Every girl is a princess

Every girl is a princess............


This is nice.. A reminder to all single ladies out there..

" No man will ever claim you unless he claims you from me

for I reserved a man for you who has my heart and loves me even more than he will for you,

for I wont give you unless he asks you from me.

He’s asleep dont wake him. He’s busy for me, my kingdom.

SOON you will know him but i have the PERFECT TIME.

You are my PRINCESS, my daughter.

Let no prince claim you unless he asks from my hand.

For I am your father, the king of kings.

YOU, my princess, is WORTH loving..”

a message from GOD